White Out
by Chloe Winchester
Summary: Spencer loses something extremely important that might compromise whether the rest of the BAU can solve a case. Spoilers for Revealations and Somebody's Watching.
1. Unsub

--This is my third Criminal Minds story and my first one that wasn't part of a series, tell me if you like it! This is set in Season 2.--

**WHITE OUT**

1

Another meticulous killer, another unfinished building filled with fallen wires, unplugged power tools, plastic shrouds covering open spaces that would become windows soon. Same old same old. Which in retrospect was pretty sad. They held their guns tightly in their hands, shifting their grips whenever necessary, bullet proof vests in place. Hotch signaled for Morgan and Prentice to take one way down a hall that wrapped wound in a circle to the other side. Gideon and J.J. went up the rickety stairs, which were unfinished, in a stealth like manner, barely making a sound.

Hotch motioned for Reid to follow him toward the opposite way Morgan and Emily had gone. Footsteps, shuffling, rushed, and unprofessional came from around the corner. They were nearing an empty elevator shaft covered with a plastic sheet. Reid shifted his hands on his gun again and nodded to Hotch, signifying he was ready. Hotch turned and silently crept down the hallway. Then the bullets started.

**One hour earlier...**

"This killer was well organized in the beginning," Gideon said, staring at crime scene photos on the white board. "But as soon as he knew we were here he started devolving rapidly,"

"He collapses under pressure," Spencer said, rising from his seat at the conference table and gazing intently at the pictures as well. "He was most likely verbally and/or physically abused as a child. Us being here makes him feel like he isn't doing something right, like we're the abusive parent."

"Five people were dead before we got here, Morgan said. "How'd he make it that far without crumbling?"

"He had time," Hotch stated. "He didn't feel like the people he murdered was a threat to him. He knows we can actually find him,"

Then if he's devolved so rapidly, how come we haven't found him yet? Morgan asked.

"Other things complicate how a person works Morgan," J.J. said. "And we are human, we could miss something every now and then." She added. Morgan sighed and nodded.

"Yeah I know, it just bugs me." He said gruffly.

"There's something we're missing," Gideon said, sitting down at the table. Reid walked back and forth between two boards, one covered with the photos, the other in the profile they had set up for this particular killer. His eyes darted between the two rapidly, his thoughts going faster than most people could keep up with.

"I think I know what," He said suddenly. He turned and looked around at the other people in the room. The connection had suddenly dawned on him, like a light bulb finding an electric current. "He would want to blend in with a crowd, someone that doesn't stick out among many. His work would have to be planned out and extremely organized, but not a white collar job because people would notice him in the workplace,"

"What are you saying Reid?" Emily asked.

"A construction worker," Spencer said, like it was the easiest thing to figure out in the world. Gideon stood, his expression lit with recognition.

"It makes sense. Meticulous, planned out work that requires the kind of patience he shows when he kills," Gideon said slowly.

The bodies were found in generally the same spot, which was a mile away from a construction site that started about six months ago, Hotch said, glancing down at a map on the table.

"How far is it from here?" Emily asked.

"About an hour," He said. Morgan, J.J. and Emily stood, walking out the door.

"Man," Morgan said. "Without that kid I don't know what the hell we'd do."

**Now...**

The unsub shot from around the corner, causing Spencer and Hotch to duck. The bullets ricocheted from the concrete and wooden walls. Hotch pointed his gun in the general direction of the unsub and fired, Reid doing the same. Footsteps thundered above them, signaling Gideon and J.J. had heard the commotion and were coming to back the rest of them up.

Other guns were firing, Morgan and Prentice, causing sparks to dart across the room. The sound in this confined space was deafening. Suddenly the unsub's gun ceased firing. Loud thundering booms, evenly spaced out, were heard away from them, and getting farther and farther away.

"Stairs," Hotch said bitterly. He darted down the hall and saw Emily emerge from around the corner. "Prentice, with me. Morgan, Reid, stay here. Morgan and Spencer nodded.

"What happened?" Gideon asked. Morgan walked out of Spencer's sight to explain what was going on. Their voices were distant and blocked by the walls. Roaring thunder echoed from below. The gun fight had begun again, shaking the very foundation of the building.

Spencer didn't hear the ceiling crack above him, and he never saw the scaffolding and plaster fly right toward him.

* * *

_What is going on? What is all that noise? Where am I? What am I doing here? God it's so loud. What is that? This place is shaking. Why is it shaking? Where am I? Who am I? I want to get out of here but I don't know where to go. What is this place. Who's yelling? What is that awful noise?_

_My hands are over my ears, trying to block all of this out. It's not working. The noise is all around me, no escape from any of it. I shut my eyes and try to make this go away, maybe if I try really hard this can go away. Oh, why won't this disappear? God where am I? What's the word...war. Is this war? I don't like it. My heart is pounding, my breath heavy and labored. Every time the noise reaches a crescendo it beats faster. _

_What is this? What's anything? What is that noise? Why am I here? Where is here? Should I yell for help? Should I? Should I? No. I don't know who's here. Or what. Maybe they want to hurt me. Or maybe they don't. God I wish this noise would stop._

_And it did. I opened my eyes and look around. There is nothing in this place. It's empty, except walls and things I don't recognize. Booms replace the crashing roars and I see someone come out. _

_He glares at me, a strange black object in his hand, pointed at my face. He scowls at me and brandishes it further. Other, quicker booms follow from a distance and he runs away. Another man jogs after him, but stops after a few feet. He looks back at me, puzzled. I don't know what he wants. I'm scared._

* * *

"What the hell Reid! Morgan yelled. Reid stared at him, eyes wide and terrified. He just ran right past you! You didn't do a damn thing! Reid flinched. He was leaning against a wall, some sort of white dust in his hair. He said nothing, only looked at Morgan like he might hurt him. Reid what's up with you? He asked, stepping closer to him. Spencer jumped slightly and backed away further. "Hey, man what's wrong? Did something happen? Reid looked around, the same petrified look in his wide brown eyes.

"Who are you talking to?" He said, his voice shaky.

"You," Morgan said. This was starting to worry him.

"Who are you?" Spencer asked.

"Oh no."

--Uh-oh! Houston we have a problem!! Please send feedback my way and tell me if you liked it!--


	2. I Don't Know

--Here's chapter 2!--

2

"Hotch!" Morgan yelled, not taking his eyes off of Reid, who was giving him a petrified look. "Hotch man get up here we gotta big problem!" Reid stood up slowly up the wood based wall, his breath heavy, eyes shifting around him as more people came into view. J.J. came around the corner with Gideon, lowering her gun and replacing it in its holster. Reid ran his hand through his hair and some of the dust from the plaster fell to the floor. He looked up at the ragged, gaping hole in the ceiling in wonder and shock. J.J. looked down at the debris, her expression changing from curious to worried.

"Reid did that hit you?" She asked. Hotch appeared from the basement with Emily.

"Morgan what's wrong? Did you see which way he went?" Hotch asked. Morgan shook his head.

"No he got away but we've got a bigger problem," Morgan said, his gaze on Spencer, who had still remained silent as he looked from person to person. Gideon's arms were folded across his chest, his brows formed in a line. J.J. was looking from Morgan to Hotch, waiting for them to begin talking. Emily was watching Morgan, as if she would see the answer on his face.

"What's wrong?" Hotch asked.

"This stuff hit Reid and now, he has no idea who he is,"

"Very funny Morgan," Emily said. "Hilarious,"

"He isn't joking," Gideon said. All eyes turned to Spencer, whose wide eyes grew even more.

"W-who are you people?" He asked shakily. "Wh-where am I?"

"You seriously have no idea who we are?" J.J. asked. Spencer shook his head rapidly.

"No I don't. I don't even know who I am…Do you?" He asked hopefully.

"Your name is Dr. Spencer Reid," Gideon said. "You're 25 and you live in Quantico, Virginia."

"That doesn't make any sense," Spencer responded. "Who are you people anyway?" He asked.

"We work with you," J.J. said. "In the FBI," Spencer's eyes showed no recognition.

"The F B what?" He asked softly.

"Look Re-Spencer," Morgan said, catching himself. He didn't want to try and explain why they called each other by their surnames. "We need to get you to a doctor okay?" Spencer looked confused.

"I thought I was a doctor?"

"You are just, not the medical kind,"

"Why should I trust you?" Spencer asked. J.J. took a step forward.

"Because we're your friends," She said. "Whether you remember or not," She added with a small smile. He looked at her warily. She held her hand out.

"C'mon. Where could we take you that's worse than this?" She asked. Emily was in shock. She hadn't known Reid for very long, but she knew he pretty much knew everything. This was past bizarre.

"There could be something seriously wrong," Hotch said in a hushed voice. Gideon nodded.

"Besides the fact that our expert on everything is now our expert on nothing," Morgan added. Gideon nodded again.

"Morgan's right we need to get him to a doctor. Do we have a nuero-surgeon back at Quantico?" Gideon asked. Hotch nodded.

"Wonder if the kid knows what a jet is," Morgan said, glancing at Spencer and J.J. over his shoulder.

"Only one way to find out," Hotch said.

* * *

"What is that?" Spencer asked for probably the hundredth time. His eyes were huge as he stared at the large aircraft.

"That's a plane," J.J. said. They had each been taking turns telling him what things were. Traffic lights, cars…they decided not to answer his questions about the guns.

"What do you do with it?" He asked. Emily giggled.

"You ride in it," J.J. said.

"That's a lot bigger than the other cars," He said. Morgan grinned.

"They don't go on the roads, they go in the sky," Spencer's eyes grew more.

"Wow," He said, amazed. J.J. grinned.

The door to the jet was open, the stairs folded out onto the runway. Spencer walked up them gingerly, the rest of the team following.

Spencer stared around in wonder, the surroundings apparently unfamiliar to him. Morgan didn't see that as a good sign. He sat down in one of the seats and gestured for Spencer to sit down in the one on front of him. He complied and looked out the small window. J.J. and Emily sat across from each other at the other booth behind them, Hotch and Gideon on the couch, talking in hushed tones.

"This is far from good," Hotch said. "What if his memory never comes back?" Gideon was watching Spencer, hand over his chin, finger pressed to his lips.

"If that happens he might be able to learn the same way he has been," He said.

"What if that ability isn't there anymore?"

"Then we're going to have to do the best we can to help,"

* * *

_I don't understand this, any of it. Cars ride on the ground but planes ride in the air? What's holding them up? I know how to count, ABC's, animals, that sort of thing, but I don't understand the other things. Like…uh…food! That's what it's called. I don't know the names for all of it. It's all called food but they have other categories within it that seem to weave this never ending, web. _

_The same thing goes with words that mean two different things. Like hot. Cool. Things like that._

_And then there are words I flat out do not get. What's a hell? What's a damn? What's a stupid? What does shut up mean? Shut means to close something. Up is above you. Why would you put them together?_

_The…plane, that's right plane, is up in the air now, and I'm not sure if I trust this thing, or these people. They're looking at me like something's wrong with me. But I feel fine. Nothing seems to be wrong. Physically. _

_But in my head, it's empty. I know there should be something there, but all it is is a black void. Like a hole I don't know how to fill. Everything that has happened to me in the past few hours since I, woke up, is so…clear. Everything what people have said, the words on the green signs I saw on our way to this thing. And I don't know why. It's strange, and a little scary. Okay really scary. _

_These hands are not mine. This face is not mine. This body is not mine. It feels like a stranger. It moves when I tell it to, but it's not mine. _

_I don't really remember everyone's names. I don't even remember mine. S…Sp…Spencer? I think, yeah that's what the girl with the yellow hair said. What are their names? I wish they'd tell me. Oh, the man in front of me is talking to me, I think he said my name but…I'm still not too familiar with it though…Oh what am I gonna do?_

--Feedback please!--


	3. Names and Reflections

3

"Man, we never told you our names did we?" Morgan asked. Reid shook his head.

"Okay," Morgan began. "I'm Morgan,"

"I'm J.J.," She said, smiling at him.

"I'm Emily,"

"I'm Hotch and this is Gideon," Hotch said. Spencer nodded as each person sounded off their name. He knew he would remember them because this strange mind never forgot it.

"Morgan, J.J., Emily, Hotch and Gideon," He said, looking at each person.

"And I'm..?" He said slowly. Morgan smiled.

"Spencer," Gideon said. Spencer nodded again. He looked around the plane again, admiring the sleek structure of its interior. His eyes had been trained on the ground underneath them, its blocked pattern unnatural looking compared to what it looked like on the ground, he hadn't really paid attention to what the plane looked like. "Not all planes look like this," Gideon said. "They're usually a lot bigger and hold a lot more people,"

"Then why do you have this one?" He asked.

"One of the perks that goes with the job," J.J. said. Spencer's brow furrowed. "Um, it's something extra we get because of our job," She said.

"What _is_ our job?" Spencer asked.

"Uh," J.J. said, unsure how to explain it delicately.

"We, uh, catch bad guys," Morgan said. Spencer nodded. His answer caused a million more questions to come into his mind, but he decided not to ask them. The plane shuddered, a soft bell went off and the "seat belts please" sign came on above the seats. Spencer watched the others clasp the two straps in each seat together to form a solid one. He followed suit, though it took him a little longer than the others to figure out.

"Welcome to Virginia Reid," Morgan said.

* * *

_This place is very busy. There're people everywhere, all of them seem to have something important to do, considering they're all walking so fast. Do I need to know who they are? Is it important? I want to know these things. I look around as I and the other people I know walk down the hallway toward a cluster of wooden tables. I see a shiny square on one of them, and I see someone move in it. _

_Wait that doesn't make any sense, how can somebody fit in that? How do they get out? How do they get in? This all is so confusing. As I watch this person I see it moves when I do, closes and opens their eyes really fast when I do. Then I realize that person was me._

_It wasn't how I pictured I looked. Then again I didn't really know what I was _supposed_ to look like. _

_My eyes are brown- like the color of the table the square is sitting on- and big, bigger than most people's. My hair is longer than the other men around me too. It's brown as well, but lighter than my eyes. It ends in loops that are sectioned off into pieces. I run my hand through it, just to make sure it's mine, really mine. I touch my cheek, this doesn't seem real to me. This doesn't feel like me. Once again I stare at the stranger. J.J. comes up behind me and places her hand on my shoulder. _

"_You alright?" She asks. I shrug. _

"_I don't know," I say. "This person doesn't feel like me, if that makes any sense," She nodded.  
"No, it does," She says. "We'll get you memory back alright? I promise, and you'll feel like you again,"_

"_I hope so," I whisper__._

* * *

"He had no idea what he looked like 'til now did he?" Emily asked.

"No," Morgan said, shaking his head. "He doesn't really know anything. Especially anything about himself. And it's not like we can tell him, Reid isn't exactly and open book,"

"Good point," Hotch said. Spencer moved away from J.J.'s desk and leaned against his own, whether he knew it was his was a mystery. He looked around curiously at the people. A certain desperation showed in his eyes to understand all of this. Like there was a secret code engraved somewhere just beyond his reach.

"Man that's gotta suck," Morgan said. "Not knowing who you are or where you're from, hell even the food you like,"

"Dr. Manning said he'd take a look at Reid as soon as he gets here," Gideon said, joining the small circle Hotch, Emily and Morgan had created.

"He's coming here?" Morgan said. "That's kind of a drive from D.C. isn't it?"

"He said if he could help one of the most brilliant minds in the world back to it's original luster he'd walk from Italy," Gideon said with a small smile. Morgan laughed.

"What nerds will do," He paused for a moment. "Do you think he'll get his memory back?" He asked Gideon. He lowered his eyes.

"I'm not really sure," He admitted. "I would be able to find out the statistics on this but..." He trailed off. Emily sighed.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," She said.

"When the doctor gets here we'll know more," Hotch said. They heard loud wordless singing to their left and saw Garcia walking down the hallway from her office, a bright pink pen with feathers on it stuck in the back of her ponytail, Her bright yellow shirt partially blocked by the pile of files she was carrying.

She walked past the desks, still singing, her destination apparently toward J.J.

"Doo-dood, hi J.J.!" She said with a large grin, ending her nameless tune. "Hi Reid," Spencer said nothing. His eyes were wide as he stared at the woman in front of him that was bursting with so much color she looked like a sun ray. "Heloo?" She said, waving her hand in front of his face, causing him to jump back. "Are ya in there Doc?" She asked.

"Um, Garcia?" J.J. said. "He has no idea who you are," She said. Garcia set the files down on her desk and grinned slyly.

"Well if he wants to figure out who I am I'm free on Friday," She giggled. J.J. shook her head.

"No, I mean he literally has no idea who you are," Garcia looked from J.J. to Reid and back again. "He hit his head pretty bad at the construction site we were at in Toledo. He barely knows his own name," Garcia's hand was over her mouth, eyes wide.

"Oh no," She said. J.J. nodded. "What are you guys gonna do?" She asked.

"Well I think Gideon called this doctor that's supposed to be able to help-"

"No I mean with the case," Garcia said. "What are you guys gonna do?" J.J.'s brow cocked.

"What are you saying?" She asked. "That we can't do this without Reid?"

"Well," Garcia said slowly. "You've never had to solve a case without him before..."

"We can survive without him...for a little bit," J.J. admitted.

"Yeah sure," Garcia said with a grin. She turned to Spencer. "Hi Spencer," She said with a small wave. Though he questioned the gesture, he repeated her action.

"Hi," He said.

"I'm Penelope," She said. He nodded.

"Penelope," He repeated. "I like it," He said. "It's...different,"

"Aw," Garcia blushed. "You are too sweet," She said. She turned to J.J. again. "Hey if you need a babysitter I'm an open book. That office gets a little boring sometimes, considering you never take me anywhere," She said with a fake frown.

"I'll let Gideon know," J.J. replied with a laugh. She looked sideways at the group of men that were conversing a few feet away from them and saw another enter the office she had never seen before. "Spencer," She said. "I think the doctor's here,"

--More next week guys! Tell me how you liked these!!--


	4. Amytal

--Sorry it took so long guys!!--

4

"So what's the verdict Doc?" Morgan asked. Dr. Manning looked at him and the rest of the team grimly.

"My verdict is his entire memory is gone and nothing I did helped, including hypnosis," He said. Gideon's brows came together. "The only other thing I can think to do is prescribe Amytal," Morgan took a step forward.

"Isn't that a truth serum?" He asked.

"Yes but sometimes in extreme cases like Dr. Reid's it might be able to jog his memory,"

"So what we give him this drug and bam, he has his memory back?" Emily asked.

"No, no, that's not exactly how it works," Dr. Manning said. "It comes back little by little,"

"There's something you're not telling us," Hotch said firmly. Dr. Manning looked at the floor.

"Profilers, right I forgot," He said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "Uh..." He hesitated. "The drug makes you remember the most traumatizing points of your life first. Ya know, an operation, um, crashing your bike,"

"Getting kidnapped," Morgan said under his breath. Gideon sighed and closed is eyes. "Great,"

"That's the only other solution I have. If you choose not to use it then he'll have to rebuild his life from scratch, and probably never be the same person again," Dr. Manning said.

"Steven," Gideon said, approaching him. "Are you sure there is no other way?" Dr. Manning nodded.

"Yes, I'm afraid it is,"

"Look I'm not letting you give Reid a controversial drug that could make him relive things he doesn't remember," Morgan said defensively. "How the hell is he supposed to understand what he's seeing happened to him. It'd like bein' in a horror movie," He shook his head.

"Sir," Dr. Manning said. "I understand that this drug isn't FDA approved and hasn't had many successful cases but-"

"Successful cases?" Morgan interrupted. "From 1930 to '93 there were 12, _12_ reported cases that were successful,"

"That was true at I university. At Bellevue there were 63 cases proven to make a full recovery. And 24 made it in less than 24 hours," Their voices were starting to rise. Hotch and Prentice cast each other worried glances. Gideon however looked like nothing really important was going on.

"This is strictly testable information. There have been thousands more that failed. Besides this is mostly used for Alzheimers and what the government uses for truth serum-"

"Unless you would like your friend to have to go through the rest of his life as somebody he doesn't even know then be my guest-"

"What are you saying th-"

"Maybe we should ask _him_," Gideon suggested. Morgan and Dr. Manning looked at Gideon, recognition on their faces.

"Right," Morgan muttered. "Spencer!" He called.

Spencer looked up from the pen he was analyzing, which was causing Garcia and J.J. to giggle like mad, and walked over.

"We need to ask you something," Gideon said. Spencer's brows raised. "There's a type of medicine that may be able to help you get all of your memory back. But, it's not 100 percent proven it will, and if it does, you're gonna remember some pretty bad things," He said.

"I don't care, I wanna do it," Spencer said. "I mean how bad could it be? It's not like I was abducted by aliens or something."

Morgan and J.J. glanced at each other nervously. Spencer noticed he was the only one smiling. "What?" He asked. Morgan shook his head. Neither he, nor anybody else in this room had the heart to tell the kid that hardly knew anything about himself that he had been kidnapped by a psychopath with three different personalities and posted every terrible thing they did to him on the internet. It would scare the hell out of him.

"Look Spencer," Gideon said, taking a step toward him. "This drug will make you remember some things that might scare you. And no matter how much like a nightmare they feel like they really did happen." Spencer looked at him warily.

"What do you mean?"

"It doesn't matter," Gideon said. How could anybody tell him anything about what had happened only two weeks ago? It might even be the first thing he gets back. "Do you honestly want to do this?" Spencer nodded.

"Yes. I'm tired of being inside a stranger. It's really hard to look at yourself and not recognize anything." He said, staring at the ground. Garcia, who had walked up with J.J. a few moments ago, placed her hand over her mouth to stifle an "Aw." Gideon nodded.

"Then that's all we need to know." He said. "Doctor how soon can you get the drug?" He asked.

"Uh," Dr. Manning said. "I can call it in and have it in about an hour," He said.

"Is that a long time?" Spencer whispered to Morgan. Morgan smiled and shook his head. Garcia giggled.

"No," Morgan said. Spencer nodded and smiled. He was close to finding out who he was, who he really was.

* * *

"Now this might make you drowsy," Dr. Manning. "Actually I can guarantee this will make you go to sleep."

Spencer nodded eagerly and took the capsules from him.

"Um, what am I supposed to do with these?" He asked. Emily laughed. She handed him a bottle of water.

"Just put those in your mouth and wash them down with the water." He nodded. He swallowed the pills and looked at her.

"How do I know when they start working?" He asked. Prentice shrugged.

"No idea," She said. "I'd ask him," She pointed at Dr. Manning.

"Okay, how do I know when this starts working?"

"When you remember something." Dr. Manning said simply. He turned, suitcase in hand, and headed toward the door. He paused when he reached Gideon. "If he does remember anything you will call me won't you?" He asked.

"Steven I want you to remember that he is a member of my team and a close friend, not a science experiment." Dr. Manning nodded and left the office. Spencer walked over to his desk and sat down in the office chair behind it. He looked around the office again, some of the chaos that had been about when he walked in had subsided a little. He turned and looked at the laptop monitor in front of him. As he looked at it he saw flashes; people. A woman and a man, married. A woman at home alone, and a few others in the same manner. And he had to make a decision. A bad one. He didn't know what it was, but he could hear a voice, loud, hard, scary.

_Am I remembering something? Is this part of my life?_ He shook his head and stared at the monitor again. It was black, then it had multiplied and had the people on it.

"Choose one to…" The voice in his head screamed.

_Choose one to what?_

"Choose one to die!"

_Die? What's that? What's going on? Why is this person yelling at me? And why am I so scared of them?_

--UH oh! Tell me what you thought!--


	5. Memory

--You wanted more? You got it!--

5

_It didn't stop. Why hasn't it stopped? Please tell me this didn't really happen. I haven't said anything to anyone but it keeps getting worse. And more clear. Tobias, the word means something I can feel it. _

_Confess? What does that mean? Maybe if I knew that I'd understand why this man screamed at me to do it. _

"_CONFESS!" The voice yelled. His hand rose above me and came down across my face. _

_I tried to reach up and touch my face but my arms wouldn't listen. They got to a certain point and stopped. _

_Again and again he hit me, harder and harder. I didn't know what would happen or if it would go on like this forever. The I blacked out. I hit something, or well, my back did. I was lying on something, the floor, I think. My throat was swollen, I couldn't breathe. I started shaking, hard. I didn't know what was happening or what I would do. Then it changed again._

"_It'll help, trust me." Same voice, but quieter. I shook my head. _

"_No I don't want it, I don't want it."_

_Don't want what? This person sounds like me, looks like me but it isn't me. He's the other me. Other me, yeah, I'll call him that._

_No matter what Other Me said the man with the yellow hair- like J.J.'s- stuck something in Other Me's arm. It pinched, whatever this man was sticking into Other's arm pinched, and whatever came out was cold._

_Then it changed again. The same man who was helping Other was now pointing something at his face. It had a round thing in its center that kept turning every time the man squeezed it. Other me was very scared, something about this strange metal device really scared him, well, me. Other Me was looking down the long stem of the device, almost waiting for something to happen. But what was supposed to happen? What did this thing do?_

_Other Me's heart is pounding at an alarming rate, watching this thing turn over and over again. There's nothing Other Me can do to get away from this. His wrists are clasped together by something connected to the chair. Each time the round thing moved Other Me's heart pounded harder and harder, a strange sensation built in his stomach, the word fear popped in my head. _

The bullet's in the next one,_ Other Me thought. _It has to be. I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die…

_It changed again. Other Me was holding something, something that was pushing the dirt underneath us out of the way. _

I hope they hurry. Guys please help me. Tell me they understood, please tell me they'll find me. I'm digging my own grave, if they don't hurry soon he'll kill me. Oh, God please help.

"_Spencer." The voice is distant, an echo. _

"_Spencer are you okay?"_

_My eyes open and I see J.J. Her face is almost scrunched together in an expression I don't recognize. Her hand is on my shoulder, her grip firm but…caring. There's what I was trying to say, caring. _

"_Are you alright?" She asked. I nod, then change my mind and shake my head. "What's wrong?" She asks._

"_I, uh, I remember…something. I don't know what it was but, it was really scary." I said quietly. J.J.'s face changed into something else, now I really didn't know what to call this look. "There was a man pointing something at my face and he kept squeezing it."_

"_What did it look like?" She asked. I told her. _

"_What was it?" I ask._

"_It's called a gun." She said. Gun. The name seemed to fit._

"_What does it do?" I ask. She shook her head. _

"_You don't want to know." She said. Apparently I had fallen asleep in this chair behind the…desk I was in. _

_"Yes, I do," J.J. looked down. "Please J.J. there's already so much I don't understand, please just tell me what this is." She sighed._

_"Spencer guns kill people, or protect them."_

_"What's kill?" I asked. I could tell she didn't want to answer me agian. "Please tell me."_

_"It's when someone doesn't walk around anymore. They just stop being who they are. Their heart stops beating, and they're dead."_

_"And, that man, he was trying to kill me?" I asked, voice shaky. _"_Did that really happen?" I asked. She nodded._

"_Yes Spencer it did." She whispered. I stood. _

"_Where's the bathroom?" I asked. She turned and pointed to the two doors down a hall. _

"_Last one on the left." She said. I walked toward it. There's something in my eyes. Water, it stings a little. I push past Morgan, Penelope and Emily, not wanting to answer their questions, and didn't look back._

* * *

"What the hell was that about?" Morgan asked as J.J. came toward them. J.J.'s eyes were trained on the floor.

"Nothing." She said. Garcia put her hand on her hip.

"Honey you look like your cat just got run over by the ice-cream Man." She said.

J.J. looked up at them. "He remembered." She said.

"Remembered what?" Prentice asked. J.J. stared at her. "Oh." Prentice said. Garcia clasped her hands together and hugged them to her chest.

"Oh," She whined. "Poor baby." She cast a fearful glance back at the bathroom doors and then looked back to the others. "What should we do?" She asked.

"I don't know." Morgan said. "We can let him know if he wants to talk we're here to listen but other than that there's nothing we can do. We can't make him tell us what's wrong can we?"

"What's going on?" Gideon asked. J.J. sighed.

"Reid remembers what happened with Hankle." Morgan said. Gideon nodded slightly.

"Where is he now?" Gideon asked.

"Bathroom, probably tryin' to clear his head." Morgan replied. "Hasn't that kid dealt with enough crap lately?"

"I still think we should do something." Garcia said. "I just wish I knew what."

"There's been another murder." Hotch said.

"Awe man I forgot we had a case." Morgan said.

"We still have an unsub that doesn't care about what happened to any of us." Hotch said.

"Do we have any witnesses?" J.J. asked.

"One." Hotch said, looking over their shoulders. Spencer was walking toward them, his eyes down. He didn't bother to stop when he got close to them but rather went around.

"There's no way," Morgan said. Hotch stared at him. "Hotch we can't expect him to remember anything about this guy. He was probably in a state of delirium when this whole thing happened."

"I know Morgan, but we have to try."

* * *

_When I walked into the bathroom I immediately went to the sink. The water in my eyes had spilled over and out onto my face. The water was hot and tasted like salt. _

Tears_, something told me. _You're crying. _I was shaking as I cried, looking at my face in the mirror, so tired of staring at this stranger and knowing it was who I was supposed to be. Other Me had gone through all that._

_Maybe it was just a dream. It can't be real. Nothing that horrible can be real. _

_For reassurance I yanked the arm of my sleeve up, just to see if whatever the yellow haired man had stuck into me had left a mark. _

_My crying intensified when I saw the small round circles on my arm. It was true. It did happen. _

"_What is that?" I whispered, touching the small dots. There was more than one, and that scared me. "What did he put inside me?" I pulled my sleeve back down, not wanting to look at these things. I turned on the water and splashed a little on my face. _

_I could feel something coming this time. Like when you get ready to sneeze. I was back outside, the same device in my hands. The man was still speaking but Other Me wasn't listening. His and my eyes were on the floating orbs about a hundred yards away. It meant hope. It meant we might live. _

_It changed again, I was holding the gun. Why? I had it pointed it at the man and fired. The one bu...bullet? that had been in it struck the man in the chest._

_The orbs were still there, moving more frantically now. _

_Other Me ran over to the fallen man. He looked up at me, gentleness in his eyes. _

_"Y-you did it. You k-killed him."_

_"Tobias." Other Me said softly. Something happened to Tobias' eyes. They seemed to lose some light and go blank. I stared at him for a moment; Other Me was relieved. I was terrified. _

_I shook my head and I was back in the bathroom, crying harder than I had the entire time I had spent in the bathroom. My body shook as I sobbed. I couldn't believe what I had done._

_I killed him. I used a gun and now he was dead, or gone, like J.J. said. And it was all my fault. _

_"Wh-what did I-I do? I k-killed him! Wh-why did I-I do th-that?" I buried my face in my hands, unable to stop these tears in my eyes. The water seemed to flow out like the water in the faucet. "It-it's all m-my fault." I breathed. "It-it's all m-my fault. I looked at the stranger in the mirror, trying to decide whether Other Me was a man, or a monster. "W-who am I?"_

_--_Aw...sad, I know. Feedback please!!--


	6. Pool and Con France

--I know the last one was sad but maybe this one'll make you a little more happy!--

6

"So, does this mean he's going with us?" J.J. asked. Hotch sighed.

"We don't exactly have a choice. We can't leave him here can we?"

"Why can't he stay here with Garcia?" Prentice asked.

"Because for once one of you heartless people offered to take me with you." Garcia said, walking toward them, furiously shoving her laptop into the bag she had slung over her shoulder.

"I invited her before anyone asks." Gideon said. The others nodded.

"Can I ask a question?" Garcia said.

"What Baby Girl?" Morgan said.

"What's wrong with him?" Garcia gestured over her shoulder at Reid.

"He remembered the, uh, incident that happened a couple weeks ago." Hotch said. Garcia frowned.

"Has he said anything?" She asked. Morgan shook his head.

"Nope, not a word." He said. Garcia put her hand on her hip.

"Did you guys bother to try and talk to him?" They remained silent. "He could be severely freaked out ya know."

"And he could wanna be alone." J.J. said pointedly.

"Well," Garcia said, putting down her bag on the floor. "We won't know until we ask him now will we?" She turned and walked toward Spencer. He was sitting at his desk, looking at his hands. His eyes had a red tint to them. Garcia wilted.

_Awe poor Spencer. He has no idea what the hell's going on. Poor baby. _She went up behind him and put her hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her, startled.

"Sorry Spencer," She said quietly. He looked back down at his lap. "Honey, are you alright?" She asked.

"People have been asking me that a lot." He whispered. She half smiled and squeezed his shoulder.

"That's cause we're worried about you." She said. He looked up at her, the misunderstanding, frustration and fear overflowing in his eyes. It broke Garcia's heart.

"Penelope I, I killed someone. I used a g…a gun and killed someone." His voice was shaky, tears pooled in his eyes and his lip trembled. Garcia turned the chair around so he faced her completely.

"Spencer you did nothing wrong. It was either you kill him or he would kill you. You had no choice." He shook his head, his hair falling in his face.

"There had to have been another way. Some way where Tobias didn't have to die." He buried his face in his hands. Garcia bent down on one knee and lifted his chin.

"Spencer listen to me." She said. "It was not your fault okay? You remember what he did to you right?" He nodded. "There was no other way. If there was, we would have found one okay?"

"It doesn't take back what I did." Garcia frowned, her brows joining together in a line. She didn't know what to do, so she did the only thing she could do. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back. He had no idea what she was doing, but it made him feel like he wasn't alone. She let him go and looked at him.

"We gotta go back to Toled, back where we were earlier. Okay?" She said gently. He nodded. Garcia stood and walked back over to where everyone else was standing.

"Is he alright?" Morgan asked. Garcia smiled but shook her head.

"Nope."

"Then why are you smiling?" J.J. asked.

"Even this is so not the situation to say this, I was right." She lifted her bag and headed toward the door. "Ya comin'?"

* * *

_I wanted someone to talk to, but who could understand this? I doubt what has happened to me is a common thing. Whatever Penelope had done, though I didn't understand what it was, made me feel better. What was it called though?_

A hug. _The voice in my head said. It sounded right. I thought for a moment, searching what little memories I had. _

_After I…killed Tobias, J.J. did it_. _I recalled. _

_I still had no one to talk to. I feel so alone. Even though I'm surrounded by people, which seem to be absolutely everywhere, I still feel isolated. I wonder again what they're doing, where all of them are going, and why they're going there so fast. _

_I don't think I like going in the plane. It makes my stomach feel funny. We're in another place that reminds me of where I was before, only there was a lot more white paint. _

_Hotch was saying something to a man with a star on his shirt. It glowed in the light and looked very strange to me. Yet again something I didn't understand. _

"_Spencer," Hotch said. "You can go sit in there if you want." Hotch pointed to a door behind me. I nodded. I wanted to get away from all of this noise and chaos. There was a thumping sound in my ears. I realized it was coming from my head, and it hurt. I sat down at one of the chairs in the room. The sign outside read "Conference Room". I knew what a room was but a conference escaped me. _

_It was a lot quieter here. Most of the noise outside was blocked out by the walls. The door stood ajar and I heard two men that had shiny stars as well._

"_You goin' to your folks this weekend?" One asked. The other nodded._

"_Away from the loud as hell city for a whole weekend." He grinned._

"_Oh yeah and the indoor pool has nothing to do with it?" The other said, arching his eyebrow._

_What does that mean?_ _I thought, wondering at the man's gesture. I tried it myself but didn't understand what it was used for. _

"_Wiseass."_

_Pool…Swimming pool. That means something. The same sensation I had earlier swept over me. I felt another memory coming again. I braced myself, not knowing what it might mean._

_I remembered water, everywhere, but it wasn't supposed to be. I had fallen into it. No that wasn't right, someone pulled me. I was supposed to be working but they had interrupted what I was supposed to do. Then I saw her. I didn't know her name, but…wow she was beautiful. _

"_Great now my gun's wet." Other Me said. This was like watching a…Moo Vee? Is that what they are? I could see what was going on through my eyes but had no control over what it was doing. I undid the…_

Holster.

_Holster right and tossed it up and out of the water. I turned and faced Beautiful again. She was very close to me, closer than Other Me had anticipated. His heart sped, this time not out of fear. She closed her eyes and leaned forward, he followed her actions. _

Wait, wait, wait! _Other Me's head yelled. _You're supposed to be working! Knock it off!

_I didn't want other me to listen. Beautiful's lips were very soft and whatever was going on, I liked it. My stomach felt strange, my head felt dizzy. Apparently Other Me had different plans._

_He pulled away from her, not wanting to but he did. He was talking very fast._

_He said something about transference, which I have no idea what _that_ meant, but Beautiful cut him off and pushed her lips against his again. This time he didn't fight it, this time he put his hand on her neck and drew her closer. How it was possible for her to get any closer I don't know, but she did. Our lips parted and joined several times, each time lasting longer than the first. My head got dizzier, the sensation in my stomach grew to the point of bursting. My heart pounded against my ribs. It was the most amazing thing I had ever felt in my life. She was so warm, so beautiful. _

_What is this called?_

Kissing.

_Oh. They broke apart and looked at each other, their faces still close together. Their lips brushed against each other, almost asking to come together again. I looked into her eyes right along with him, wanting more than ever to kiss her again. But there was something she needed to know, something I hadn't told her. _

_I shook my head and I was back in the, Con France room. One word was buzzing in my head, and it took me a moment to realize what it meant. With a small smile I said it, very quietly, making sure nobody else could hear me._

"_Lila." _

--See? I told ya! Did you like? I hope so!--


	7. Too Much Yelling

--Over the teeth and through the gums, new chapter of this story, here you come!--

7

"So this kid saw the guy?" Sheriff Deaton asked as he and the rest of the BAU stalked down the hallway. Hotch nodded.

"Yes he did but-" He began.

"Then why the hell haven't you asked him about the guy yet?" Deaton interrupted. Morgan flexed his jaw.

"It's complicated." He said. Deaton shook his head.

"How?"

"He lost his memory." Emily said. Deaton stopped.

"How does he know what this guy looks like if he lost his memory?" He asked sharply. Hotch sighed.

"If you would have let me continue…He saw the unsub right after the injury that caused him to lose his memory."

"I still don't understand why you haven't asked him about the guy." Deaton said.

"It's complicated." J.J. said. Deaton threw his arms in the air.

"How complicated could it be? Six, six people have been murdered by the same guy in my city," He said, starting to walk again. "The only witness we have is in that room and whether he can remember the rest of is life or not, he knows what this guy looks like." He turned and opened the conference room door.

Spencer jumped and looked up at him.

"This guy's an asshole." Garcia whispered to Morgan, who nodded.

"Yeah, which is why there is no way in hell he's staying in there with Reid by himself." Garcia sighed. Morgan walked after Deaton, Gideon and Hotch following him.

"Are you Penelope Garcia?" A voice behind her asked. She turned and saw a woman standing behind her, a deputy's badge gleaming on her chest.

"That depends on who's asking." Garcia said with a grin.

"I'm Alice Thompson, I was told you were going to help us with our little hacker problem?"

"At your service sweetie." Garcia gave a slight bow. Officer Thompson grinned.

"Oh you are gonna be a ton of fun," She said truthfully. Garcia's grin broadened. "Now if you'd follow me this way.

Spencer was startled when the man burst into the room. He looked angry, tired, and impatient.

"I need to ask you a couple questions." He said abruptly.

_What does he want with me?_

"Hang on a minute Deaton," Morgan said, entering the room, Hotch and Gideon right behind him. Morgan looked at Spencer. "Spencer, this is sheriff Deaton. He needs to ask you a couple questions and I need you to answer them the best you can okay?" He said gently. Spencer nodded. "Okay, what's the first thing you remember?"

_What is the first thing I remember?_

"_Loud, everything was very loud. Everything was shaking and I didn't know why. I was on the ground and my head hurt. I didn't know where I was. It was really scary," I admitted. "After that someone came out of the ground-"_

"_What the hell do you mean out of the ground?" The man spat. Morgan leaned over to him._

"_Stairs," He whispered. Deaton rolled his eyes. "Keep going Spencer."_

"_I heard these loud booms and he came out of the ground. He pointed something at me…" I stopped. I realized with a sudden horror that the man I had seen had pointed a gun at me. "It was a gun," I said with a shaky voice. "He was going to kill me, but he stopped. It was after you started coming up, out of the gr…sorry, stairs."_

_Morgan nodded. Deaton leaned forward on the table, closer to me. I leaned backward in my chair. He was making me uncomfortable. _

"_That's all well and good kid but what did he look like?" He asked harshly. I thought for minute. I remember seeing the man, but I didn't get a good look at him. All I remember was the gun. It wasn't like the one that Tobias had pointed at me. It was like the one's Hotch, Morgan, Gideon and everyone else I had met today had. Well, except Penelope. _

"_I don't remember." I whispered._

"_How do you not remember what he looks like?" Deaton yelled. I flinched. "He was right in front of you!" Before I could answer he started yelling again. "He had a friggin' gun pointed at your face and you can't remember what h e looks like?"_

_I flinched again, and nodded. He slammed his fists on the table and I jumped back._

"_Hey chill out!" Morgan yelled. _

"_There are people dying out there!"_

"_I know but it's not his fault!"_

_I watched the two men bellow back and forth and felt the same weird feeling in my head and my gut. I was getting ready to remember something. Not now, any time but now. There's too many people here. But there was one thing about the drug Dr. Manning gave me, there was no stopping what it was doing. _

_I was outside, once again I couldn't move my arms, only they were behind my back this time. There were people everywhere. They were laughing._

Why won't they help me?_ Other Me thought helplessly. _Why are they just watching._ Other Me was cold, and in a lot of pain. This had to've happened a long time ago. The people around us were young, but we were younger than them. Other Me yelled when someone hit us._

Again. _Okay again, this has been going on for awhile then. I was more scared than I had been in previous memories. My heart pounded harder, I tried to get away more. Every time I did someone hit us several times. _

_Other Me and I were shaking. Why are we so cold. I looked down and got my answer. What is going on? Why are these people doing this? I swallowed a lump in my throat. What's happening? Where are my clothes?_

Someone help me! Please! _Other Me begged with these people. Pleaded, tried anything that might make these people stop. I felt tears pool in my eyes. This was wrong, what these people were doing was wrong. And God did it hurt. I didn't understand why these people wouldn't help. Why are they doing this? _

Because we're smarter than them. They think we're a freak because of how much we know.

_That's no reason to hurt us, me, whoever! This was terrible. We were so scared, so desperate for it to be over, but it seemed to go on forever. I shook my head, hard. This was enough. I didn't need to see anymore. _

"_I thought this guy was supposed to be some kind of genius!" Deaton bellowed._

"_What don't you understand about-" Hotch yelled, Deaton cut him off._

"_Stop." I whispered. I didn't want to hear anymore yelling. _

"_That has nothing to do with seeing this guy!"_

"_He was in a state of shock it's not his fault if he can't remember this man!" Gideon defended. _

"_Stop it." I said, a little louder this time. They were talking about me, but paying no attention to me. Tears threatened to fall again, aftershocks from the memory. I stopped them from going anywhere beyond my eyes. _

"_Like I said I thought this guy was supposed to be some sort of genius!" Deaton bellowed. "Maybe if we smack him around a little bit it'll jog his memory!"_

"_If you even go NEAR him I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!" Morgan bellowed._

"_STOP IT!" I yelled. Everyone stopped. I looked up at them, one hand on my head, trying to push the ache in my head away. "I'm sorry that I can't help you. I really did try to. Please, I…my head hurts, can you stop yelling." My voice cracked toward the end and I cursed myself. The redness in the men's faces faded. Morgan looked down. _

"_Are you guys done?" Emily asked from the doorway, her arms folded. She looked at me. "Are you okay?" She asked. I nodded, a lie. "Garcia said she might have found something." Hotch and Gideon nodded and followed her out. Deaton glared at Morgan and followed them. Morgan walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder._

"_You remembered something else didn't you?" He asked. I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded. "Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked. He wouldn't understand. I shook my head. Morgan laughed slightly._

"_You're getting more normal than you think kid." _

_All I could see when he walked out of the Con France room was a bunch of kids hitting me over and over again, and I couldn't stop the memory from coming fully this time. _

--I would be honored if you sent me feedback, I really would!--


	8. Why Can't I Understand?

--Have fun ladies and germs--

8

_I fully remembered it now. Every second of that awful night played in my head, over and over and over again. My mother, well, Other Me's mother, was becoming a clear image in my head. _

_I knew she was sick, that's all my memory would tell me. Other Me had tried as hard as he could to take care of her, that was where I was now. _

What the hell are you doing?! _Other Me's head bellowed. _She's your mother Spencer! You can't just send her away like this!

_Other Me's throat was tight and dry, which didn't help the lump he just couldn't swallow. _

I don't know what else to do._ Other Me thought helplessly. _I've tried, since I was eleven years old I've been trying by myself to help her. Dad left us and I had no other choice, just like now. I can get her help now. I've got a job that can help me take care of her.

_Other Me was trying to convince himself, and the other angry voice in his head. _

You're getting rid of her.

_It didn't matter what the angry voice was yelling because we walked through the door. Mom was pretty. Then again I think all people think their mothers are beautiful. The men who entered the room behind us were wearing all white. I knew something about them was bad. I wanted to know what Other Me was planning to do. _

"_Mom," He said quietly. Mom looked up at me, then at the men behind us. _

"_Spencer," She said, her hand in the middle of her book to mark the page she was on. Her eyes flickered to me, then to the men behind me. They grew wide. She seemed to understand what I couldn't. Other Me was trembling, this was something he _really_ didn't want to do. He hated it. "Spencer who are these men? Why are they here?" She asked blatantly._

"_They're here to take you some place where you can get better." Other Me whispered. Mom looked horrified._

"_You can't take me away from here." She said, looking back at the men and then at me again. "This is my home. These are my things." The men walked forward and rasped Mom's arm, gently. She rose to her feet, frantically looking around at the house and me. "Spencer you can't so this!" She yelled as she was escorted to the door. _

"_I'm sorry Mom," Other Me said so softly I wasn't sure she had heard him. "I'm so sorry." _

"_You can't do this!" Was the last thing I heard before she was gone. Other Me started crying. His heart wrenched in his chest. He never wanted to hurt her. But I didn't understand why he sent her away. Why we made her leave. _

_I was back in the bathroom I had been in, just to clear my head and get away from all the noise. I looked up at my reflection. _

_The circles under my eyes were dark, the white around my eyes a light red. Despite what Dr. Manning had said, I hadn't slept, at all. Memories that didn't make any sense kept me awake all night. Visions of a life I didn't even know. I knew Other Me fairly well now. I knew how he would react to certain things that happened. _

_But Other Me was like another person. This wasn't me. My life seemed to consist of painful memories that I didn't remember and people who knew me that I didn't know._

_I pressed my hands to my temples and tried to shove out the massive head ache I've had for the past day. _

_This world seemed so intricate. So many webs and different, complicated things that made it up. I could look at a series of numbers on a board and an answer would pop into my head, but I couldn't understand why markerrs worked the way they did. Or why people had the same names of other people. Or why there were bad words and good words. _

_Angry tears filled my eyes. I turned and punched the wall next to me. Over and over and over again until the plaster was almost completely caved under my fist. "Why," Hit. "Can't," Hit. "I," Hit. "Under," Hit. "Stand!?" I buried my face in my hands and leaned against the wall. Everyone else made it look so simple. So simple to do. They knew who they were, and I didn't. My own name was foreign to me. I hated this. _

_There was a light tapping on the door and I straightened up instantly, scraping my hand across my eyes to get the water out._

"_Spencer?" Morgan's voice said softly. "You okay?" I opened the door and looked at him. His brows came into a line. He was looking past me. At the hole I had made in the wall, and the small droplets of blood on my knuckles. "I'll take that as a no." Morgan said. _

_I put my hand in my pocket and looked at the linoleum floor. "Sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to…" I trailed off. Morgan held up his hand._

"_It's okay man," He said. Another thing I didn't understand. Why he called me man. Wasn't that obvious? "To be honest I didn't know you could do that." He said, gesturing to the wall. _

_I felt my face flush. _

"_We're getting ready to go to a crime scene. You wanna go?" He asked. I shook my head. _

"_There's a dead person there, and people who stare at me weird when I go somewhere with you guys." I mumbled. He nodded. _

"_Okay. Garcia gets to play babysitter." He said before turning around and walking away, knowing I would follow him, and I did. _

* * *

"Hey, Baby Girl." Morgan said. Garcia didn't look up from her monitor, her hands flying over the keys. "Find anything?"

"That this guy is an amateur in some areas and a genius in others. I'm looking for a mistake he's made that will let me track him and where he is." She said quickly.

"I need a favor." Garcia grinned and waggled her eyebrows.

"What kind of favor?" She asked wryly. Morgan smiled and shook his head.

"Behave." He warned.

"Never." She said.

"I need you to keep an eye on Reid." He said. Garcia grinned.

"Yay I get to be even more useful." She said happily.

"When you crack this let me know okay?" He said.

"As always gorgeous." She said. She pulled away from her keyboard as he walked away and grinned up at Spencer. He half smiled back. Garcia giggled. "You are too cute." She said, swiveling back around to her computer.

"I," Spencer said. "I don't know what that means." He whispered. Garcia felt this sad pang hit her stomach. She turned back around again.

"It…it means that you…make me smile at the stuff you do." She said. He still looked confused. "It's a good thing." She said. He nodded.

"Okay." He said. There was a small _Ding_ on her computer and she turned around.

"Damn it!" She whispered harshly.

"What's wrong?" Spencer asked. Garcia looked up at him again. He was closer now and this time she saw the deep dark circles under his eyes, semi blood shot, his knuckles bleeding. He followed her gaze and put his hand in his pocket.

"I hit a dead end." She admitted, changing the subject. "I have no idea what else to do." She said. She started fiddling on her keyboard, trying to find a muse on what to do. She didn't notice Spencer walking into the Conference Room where the information of the case was being held.

* * *

_I stared at the boards in shock, but only for a moment. Then my head switched gears. I looked from picture to picture, map to map, thoughts moving a thousand miles an hour. _

_I saw something coming together. The pictures, with their locations captioned underneath, seemed to move to the maps, turning into small dots. The dots were connected by lines. All of the bodies were around one place, a place that almost seemed centered. The place was out in the middle of nowhere, away from the crowded city and any main roads. _

_Something I remembered sparked in my head. It all fell into place. It made sense, all of it. I saw the man's face clearly now._

"_I know who it is."_

--What's gonna happen? You'll have to wait til next week! Send me feedback while you wait!--


	9. We Need Reid

--Have fun boys and girls!--

9

There were seven dead bodies now. And Deaton was not happy about it.

"This would have been solved so much earlier if you didn't have the extra baggage." He mumbled. Hotch, who was standing closest to him, ignored him.

Gideon looked at the body, running over the details of the case in his head. He turned to Morgan.

"This is out of pattern," Gideon said. Morgan nodded. "It's too soon for him to devolve so quickly." Morgan shook his head.

"I don't know Gideon," He said. "We know he's intimidated by us being here. We know he's smart enough to slow down Garcia, but he's sloppy enough to leave a body in plain sight."

"But why water? Always, these women are always left by water but they were never drowned."

"Water has to be the stressor that's obvious," Hotch said, joining the other two. "I think as soon as Garcia breaks through this guy's firewall we'll have what we need," He said. Gideon was staring at the dead body, at a loss.

This man was meticulous, sadistic, but cowardice enough to blindfold his victims. Cowardice enough to hide wherever he went so no one would notice anything and everything he did. He taunted the Police whenever he could, like slowing Garcia down in her hunt to find this man. But he would never hold a face-to-face confrontation. Like when they were at the construction site. He fled. He almost killed Reid, but once again, that cowardice came into play. And, it wasn't the right conditions for him to kill. He had a ritual. A ritual that was becoming shorter and more violent as time went on. But as long as there was water, murder was inevitable.

"We're missing something." Gideon said. Morgan nodded in agreement.

"Deaton wants to know what we should do next." Hotch said, approaching with Emily and J.J. behind him. "And I honestly don't know what to tell him."

"We've got the profile out. We've warned everybody to be careful around bodies of water," Emily said. "What else do we need?" Gideon sighed.

"We need Reid."

* * *

_I think I'm right. Correction I know I'm right. Well, maybe. My eye lids felt heavy as I stared at the boards again. The second dose of Amytal I had taken this morning was starting to kick in. But I wasn't about to let myself sleep. I had to talk to Penelope, or Morgan or Gideon. I really didn't want to talk to Hotch, he sort of scared me a little. He always looked so mad. _

_I forced my eyes to stay open and I turned around, heading for the door where I could talk to Penelope. I was about halfway there when I got dizzy. _

_I steadied myself on the table. I didn't need this now! Not now! Please, please not now!_

It's too late. _Other Me thought. _I'm too late. I know, I just know Nathan did it. _I had no idea where I was, or where Other Me was going. Who's Nathan? Other Me's heart was going ninety miles an hour as he approached the bad looking building that said "Motel" on a glowing sign. _Please don't let me be too late. I'm begging you please. _Other Me thought. I think he was praying, but it wasn't specific. There was something else I didn't understand, God. _

_Other Me was standing over a boy, a young boy. His wrists were bleeding, the blood coming in torrents. To my horror Other Me wrapped his own hands around his wrists, like he was trying to hold the blood inside. _

"_Nathan," Other Me said, frantic. "Nathan can you hear me?" The boy was looking at me, his face chalk white. I was breathing hard and fast, my heart thudded in my chest, the warm blood trickled over my hands. To my surprise we aren't alone. There's another woman screaming something at me a few feet away and I can hear Penelope behind me. _

"_Let me die," Nathan gasped. "I don't want to hurt anyone. Let me die."_

_Other Me couldn't. This boy, there was hope for him. Hope that he might not kill anyone. Hope that he would fight his urges to kill. And Other Me was hanging onto that hope now._

"_I, I can't do that Nathan." Other Me stammered, his voice shaking. God all the blood. What if this boy did die? Then what? Penelope was saying something to me but I couldn't hear her, my heart beat was too loud. _

Where is the ambulance?! _Other Me screamed in his head. _

_Suddenly someone touches my shoulder. _

"_Sir you can let go." The calm voice says. _

No, if I let go he'll die. I can't let go.

"_Sir, let go." The voice repeated. _

I _can't_ let him go. He will _die_. And it will be my fault. Who's talking anyway?

"_Sir, we need to get him to the hospital, you have to let go."_

Paramedic. _Other Me recalled. He let Nathan go reluctantly, a feeling in the pit of his stomach that this was his fault. Something he could have prevented._

_I was back in the Con France room, gripping the table so tight my fingers hurt under white knuckles. Nathan had tried to take his own life. He tried to kill himself, but not with a gun. No, guns leave holes, not long lines of blood. I have no idea what it is. _

_Why would anyone want to die? How could anyone try and end their existence on Earth? _

_I looked down at my hands, making sure the young boy's blood was gone. I saw my hands shaking, and so was the rest of me. _

_I'm not taking anymore of that drug. I can't. Other Me's life was awful. There was no happiness from what I could tell. He had no happy memories. Well, except the one with Lila. _

_I want to know who I am. Who I'm supposed to be. But not like this. Not through painful and agonizing memories that made me want to explode every time I saw something that reminded me of it. _

_I had remembered my Father last night. How he left me to take care of Mom without another thought. He just abandoned us. _

_I shook my head. There was something I had to do. I had to tell everyone that I knew who this unsub was, where he was, and how close he had come to him. It seemed obvious now. It made sense. I shook my head again, fighting my stubborn eyes again and walked out of the room, toward Penelope. _

* * *

"Are you sure?" Garcia asked. Spencer nodded. "How do you know?" She asked.

"I don't really know," He admitted. "I just, I looked at the boards in there and it all came together. My head was going so fast I have no idea how I got the answer, but I did. I think if you do a background check on this guy it might make more sense." His eyes grew, like he hadn't meant to say that,

"You have no idea where that came from do you?" Garcia asked. Spencer shook his head. Garcia giggled. "Well, at this rate you'll be back to normal in no time." She said.

"Now can you tell me the name again?" She asked. Spencer looked at the ground.

"I only know what he looks like, I don't know his name." He said quietly. Garcia nodded. She had broken through the roadblock the unsub had laid out and still found nothing that important that he was trying to hide. He had blocked the Police database that held the description, location, and residence of each officer in the Toledo station. Weird.

She brought up the picture of each officer and moved out of the way so Spencer could see.

"Can you show me which one?" She asked. Spencer leaned forward. He looked so exhausted, physically and mentally. Garcia wondered how much sleep he had gotten in the last, well, almost 48 hours now. He scanned the monitor quickly, lightly pushing a lock of his hair behind his ear. Garcia scrolled down at a steady pace, watching in amazement how fast Spencer's eyes darted back and forth across the screen.

"There," He said, suddenly pointing at a face. "That's him."

"Are you sure?" Garcia asked. He nodded. "I'll call Hotch." She said. She reached for her phone but stopped when Spencer stumbled back. She turned around quickly. After he had stumbled he was swaying where he stood, a hand pressed to his forehead, his eyes closed.

"Spencer what's wrong?" She asked. He shook his head.

"I don't know." He whispered. It might be the medicine, it might be the lack of sleep, it might be an injury Dr. Manning missed.

Garcia grasped his shoulders gently and sat him down in an office chair that was parked at an unused desk.

"Can you tell me what's the matter?" She asked gently. Spencer shook his head and opened his eyes.

"I don't…know." He said, even quieter than the first time. Garcia was starting to panic.

"Spencer," She said, lifting his chin when his head drooped. "Do you feel okay?" She asked. Once again he shook his head.

"I don't, feel right." God his voice was quiet. He couldn't keep his eyes open for more than a few seconds. Garcia lifted her hand to his forehead.

"You're burning up." She said. Spencer looked confused.

"Wassat mean?" He slurred.

"You have a fever." Garcia said. Spencer still had no clue what she had just said. She grabbed her cell phone off of her desk, flipped it open and pressed a button.

"Hotch," She said a few seconds later. "There's something wrong with Reid. I don't know what to do." She said frantically. "Okay…okay. Oh! He figured out who the unsub is…I don't know. His name's Harrison Black…Yes…Okay…I will. Please hurry."

"Penelope," Spencer said, his voice so soft it was barely audible. "What's wrong with me?" He asked. Garcia gave a fake small smile.

"We're gonna find out okay?" She assured. "I'll be right back okay?" She said. Hotch said he would be here soon, and in the mean time she should take the usual household remedies to get rid of this fever.

"God what the hell is going on?" She whispered.

--Uh-oh! Whatcha think's goin on? Send me feedback and tell me!!--


	10. Fever

--I guess now we find out what the flip is goin on huh? Enjoy!!--

10

_My face feels hot, but the rest of me feels cold. I pulled my sleeves down so they completely covered my arms. I folded them in front of me and rested my head on them. I had told them what they needed to know, and now I just wanted to sleep. I don't understand what's wrong with me. I, I just don't feel good. I closed my eyes, trying to make the pain in my head go away. This has just not been my day, neither was yesterday for that matter. And the day before? Well I don't know about that. My joints ache every time they move. _

_Is there a name for what's a matter with me? If there is I hope someone let's me know, I'd like to know what to call this bad thing. Somebody touched my shoulder and I jumped. _

"_Sorry," Penelope said. "Did I wake you up?" She asked. I shook my head. She had something in her hand, a strange metal stick. I had no idea what it was for though. "Oh," Penelope said, following my gaze. "You use this to take your temperature." My brows furrowed. She giggled. "Um, this tells you how hot you are." She said. She sighed and wrinkled her nose. "If I would have said that to anyone but you…" She mumbled. _

"_How does it work?" I asked. My throat hurt and it sounded strange when I talked, and quiet. She smiled at me and handed me the strange looking stick. _

"_Just push the blue button and put the other end under your tongue." She said simply. _

"_What's this called?" I asked._

"_A thermometer." I nodded. I did what she told me to, the Ther Mom etter felt weird in my mouth. A minute later it beeped, I jumped and the device fell out of my mouth. Penelope laughed and picked it up off of the desk. _

"_It's alright," She said. "It's supposed to do that." She turned the stick over and looked at something on the small gray screen. She bit her lower lip, brow creased. "That's not good." She said. I didn't bother to ask, I didn't really want to know. She walked over to me and grasped my shoulders lightly and sat me back down. "Okay," She said, taking a deep breath. "You stay here and rest. I'll be right back."_

"_What were you looking at?" I asked, an invisible something scraping my throat. _

"_When the thermometer beeps it says how hot you are, the bigger the number the worse it is." She said. "The number I saw on it from you was 101.7."_

"_And that's bad?" I asked. She nodded. _

"_Yeah that's bad." She said. I sighed and laid my head down again. _

"_What's wrong with me?" I asked. _

"_You're sick." Penelope said. So that's what it's called. I felt my eyes trying to close, and this time I let them._

_

* * *

_"I called Dr. Manning," Gideon said, walking toward Garcia. "He said this was all side affects to the Amytal." Garcia nodded, a look of relief on her face. She looked around, over Gideon's shoulder and then back to him.

"Where's everybody else?" She asked. His eyes flicked to Reid for a brief moment.

"They're out looking for Harrison. I thought I should come here." He said. Garcia nodded. "I should have been here to begin with," He mumbled. "How high was his fever?" He asked.

"Almost 102," She said. "I gave him some Tylenol, but it didn't seem to help much," She said. "I'm kinda worried Gideon." She admitted.

"He'll be alright," Gideon assured. "Manning said that this was a common side affect and it shouldn't get too bad. But if his fever went over 103 we should take him to the ER." He said. Garcia's eyes grew. Gideon chuckled. "But the chances of that happening are very slim." He added. Garcia sighed.

"Thanks, now I feel better." She said sarcastically.

"How long has he been asleep?" Gideon asked.

"About an hour. And he hasn't been sleeping very well either," She said. "He keeps mumbling about different stuff." She muttered. He nodded.

"I should have stayed here from the beginning," He grumbled. "Remembering an entire lifetime isn't an easy task."

"Especially when your brain has all the information on the face of the planet." Garcia said. Gideon half smiled.

"Or when it remembers being kidnapped less than two weeks ago." He added grimly. Garcia bit her lip. She'd been right in front of the computer watching that freak hurt Spencer. How scared she was that seeing him on the screen was the last time she'd ever see him. Or that Morgan could get arrested for murder if he was left alone with "Raphael". The memories even now made her stomach flip. She couldn't imagine what it had been like for him. Being left alone with some crazed religious nut, his meek and quiet son, and the twisted counterpart that was made up of the both of them, all in one body. Not knowing which one was gonna walk through the door whether or not they were going to hurt him or not, or if this would be the last breath he would take.

Garcia shook her head, swallowed the lump in her throat and feverishly blinked the tears out of her eyes. This was one topic she cared not to talk about.

"Garcia," Gideon said. "Go take a break." He said gently. Garcia nodded and turned on her heel, heading toward the break room.

Gideon turned to Reid. His head was resting on his arms, eyes closed. His cheeks were flushed and greatly contrasted with the dark brown circles under his eyes and the light purple color of exhaustion on his eyelids. Gideon sighed, sort of at a loss. He didn't really know what to do, memory loss wasn't at the top of his list of expertise. But he at least had to try.

Spencer winced and mumbled something incoherent. He said something else that sounded like "don't" and winced deeper. His breath got heavier and he turned his head, facing away from Gideon.

Gideon took a step toward Reid, brow furrowed. Spencer uttered something else and faced Gideon again, eyes clamped shut, his face screwed up in pain that Gideon couldn't see, his hair partially hiding his face. Gideon placed his hand on Reid's shoulder. He winced again. Another disjointed phrase fell over his lips.

"Spencer," Gideon said gently, lightly shaking his shoulder. "Spencer it's alright, wake up." Another, deeper still, wince. "Spencer wake up." Spencer shuddered. "Spe-" Before Gideon could finish Spencer gasped and sat up, eyes wild and frantic for a moment. He looked at Gideon and sighed.

"Bad dream." He gulped quietly. He grimaced after he swallowed, a grating feeling scraping his sore throat.

"Are you okay?" Gideon asked. Spence nodded slowly, his breath slowing to a normal level.

"Gideon right?" He asked. Gideon nodded. "Are, do you and I talk a lot?" He asked. Gideon nodded again. "Okay," Spencer whispered. "Can…Can I talk to you?"

"Anything you want to talk about, I'll listen." Gideon said. Spencer sighed.

"I don't think this medicine's working," He admitted. "I mean, I remember things, most of the time it's stuff I didn't _want_ to remember, but they don't feel like mine. It's, it's like…"

"Like you're watching all of these things happening but it's to someone else, not you." Gideon offered. Spencer nodded.

"I still feel like this person I'm supposed to be is a stranger. I hear my own name and I don't even recognize it," He said. "There's so much I remember but…most of it's terrible." He whispered. Gideon nodded, encouraging him to continue. "I want to be who I was. I don't want to live the rest of my life as some stranger and never be able to even know my own mother's name. I hardly remember the name of the town I grew up in."

"Las Vegas." Gideon mumbled. Spencer nodded.

"Yeah that. And don't even get me started on all the things I don't understand. Like bad words. What makes a word bad? And what are good words?" Gideon grinned, no matter how hard he tried to stop. "And then the looks people give each other." Spencer said, exasperated. "They send so many messages back and forth, it's maddening! Some look angry, some look happy and some look, see I don't even know what to call it!" Gideon started to laugh, he couldn't help it. Spencer started to chuckle too.

"I don't think I want to know what they mean come to think of it." He giggled. Gideon shook his head.

"No, trust me, you don't." Gideon chortled. Spencer nodded.

"I'll take your word for it." He laughed. Gideon sighed, composing himself.

"Spencer I'm going to promise you something." He said. "I promise you that you won't feel like a stranger anymore. You _will_ get your memory back, I'll make sure of it." Spencer nodded.

"Thank you." He said softly. He still didn't feel good, his throat was on fire, his fever hadn't broke, but he had something he hadn't before. Hope.

--Did you like? You see that ravashing purple button down there? Push it and tell me what you think!--


	11. Solved

--Have fun guys!--

11

"I can't believe it was one of my own," Deaton said, following Morgan, Prentice and Hotch out of the small cabin. "I mean I knew he was taking a vacation here this week, said it was his folks house, but I never would have guessed…"

Morgan shook his head as they stepped off the porch steps, past the Ambulance that were being occupied by a young woman that would have been killed in less than ten minutes from when they got there. Man, they had definitely cut this one close…

* * *

Slow movements. Muffled footsteps on the grass. Surrounding the house barely making a sound. Guns loaded and cocked, gripped tightly in hands. Routine. Front door in sight. One kick and it would come down, a small shower of splinters following the broken lock. But that was after they knocked first.

No answer at the door, there never was. Maybe he would try and run, maybe he'd take the coward's way out. Maybe he'd take the girl with him. You never knew how these things would go. Even if you were an FBI agent. BAU or not, you couldn't predict what everyone was gonna do.

"Harrison, this is the FBI open up!" Morgan yelled, slamming his fist on the large wooden door. Of course, and as usual, there was no answer. "This is the FBI open the door!" And, once again, there was silence on the other side. Morgan motioned to a member of the SWAT team that was close to the door. The man stepped back and kicked the door directly under the knob, having the exact affect that Morgan had predicted. Guns pointed in all directions, shouts of "clear" were heard throughout the house.

Morgan saw Hotch open a bedroom door and turn around, gesturing for him to follow. Prentice turned the corner and disappeared with another member of SWAT. Morgan followed Hotch into the room, shifting his grip on the gun.

"Here!" Hotch bellowed. Morgan saw nothing until he stood next to Hotch, who had his gun carefully aimed at Harrison's chest. There was only one reason that Hotch hadn't arrested him.

Monica Ellis, who was in Harrison's arms and had a large needle and syringe pointed at her throat. Full of Methamphetamine, just like all of the other girls. A blindfold tied around her eyes, just like the other ones. Her breath was rapid and heavy her wrists bound with wire, both being held by one of Harrison's hands. They were on the ground, the obvious signs of torture visible on her body.

Morgan felt for the woman for a moment, knowing how terrified she must be, and how thankful she must be that they were here. And how devastated she was that they might not be able to save her. Once again, BAU or not, you never know how these things will go.

"Harrison you don't want to do this," Hotch assured. "Let her go, and this will all be over." He said.

"No!" Harrison bellowed. Monica winced and whimpered. "No it's not over! It can't be over! I have to FINISH THIS!" He pushed the needle harder in to Monica's neck. She whimpered louder. Morgan flexed his jaw and squeezed his gun tighter.

"No, you don't. You know this is not right. I know what your mother did to you. I know how much you despise these blonde women and their facades of being so pretty on the outside and ugly on the inside. I understand. But, Monica is a good woman," Hotch said carefully. "You and I both know that. Now, let her go."

_There was no way, no way that would work_. Morgan thought. But, by some amazing grace of God, Harrison let go of Monica. He stood as she fell to the floor, his hands behind his head, facing the wall. Hotch pulled out his handcuffs, Morgan bent down and lifted Monica in his arms. She squirmed and writhed, moaning for him to let her go.

"Shh, it's alright. It's okay you're safe." He soothed. He untied the blindfold and unwound the wire on her wrists. He looked toward the doorway, up at Emily.

"Get the medics in here." He said.

"I already did."

* * *

Now they were back outside, walking past Monica. Morgan had to make sure she would be okay.

He walked up to the gurney and she smiled at him.

"You gonna be okay?" He asked gently. She nodded weakly.

"What's your name?" She asked. Morgan grinned.

"Derrick." He said.

"Derrick," She repeated. "You and your friend saved my life." She whispered. Morgan shook his head.

"You wanna thank somebody, if you can get to the Toledo police station by the end of the week you look for a Dr. Spencer Reid. Thank him. He's the one that found out where you were." He said. Monica nodded and mouthed the name again.

"Okay," She said. "Ill be there." Morgan squeezed her hand and walked away.

"You know Reid's gonna be _so_ embarrassed if she stops by." Emily said. Morgan frowned and looked at the ground.

"If he…ya know, still acts like Reid." He grumbled. He was willing to do anything for that kid. But this, he didn't know what to do. He missed his friend, and he wanted him back.

"We'll get Reid back, okay?" Emily said. "I'm sure Gideon has _something_ working in that head of his to get Spencer back." Morgan shook his head. It had been merely weeks since he had to watch that bastard hurt his best friend. He never wanted to commit murder so bad in his life. And now he had lost hi again, only this time he had no way to find him.

"Let's get back to the station." He said. "I'm kinda worried about Reid. Garcia said he was getting sick." Emily opened the passenger door to the large black SUV and got in. Morgan did the same and turned the keys in the ignition. J.J. and Hotch were in the car in front of them, already turning out of the parking lot. He put the car in drive and pulled out.

"Well, at least we got one mess out of the way." Emily said with a small shrug. Morgan nodded.

"One mess gone, another disaster about forty minutes away." He muttered.

--Oo! Guess what?! Now it's time for feedback!--


	12. Everything Went Black

12

"Well thank God she's alright," Garcia said. "I was really worried you guys might be too late." Morgan nodded.

"Yeah so were we," He said truthfully. He sat down in a desk chair and sighed, closing his eyes. Garcia glanced at him and giggled.

"What are you laughin' at?" Morgan asked, opening one eye. Garcia grinned.

"Well, I told J.J. that it was gonna be hard for you guys to solve a case without Reid and, low and behold, ya didn't. Guess ya can't live without a genius huh?" She said, her smile turning wry. Morgan rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah you were right, happy?" He admitted. Garcia nodded.

"She giving the 'I told you so' speech?" J.J. asked. Morgan nodded.

"Well, for once I proved the profilers wrong," Garcia said, her voice almost childlike. "And I think I can rub it in your face for a little bit." Morgan laughed.

"Sure Baby Girl, knock yourself out." He said. Garcia grinned again. Morgan looked over his shoulder at Spencer. He had his elbows propped on the desk he was sitting at, his hands pressing on either side of his temples, looking frustrated.

"We need to try something else," Hotch said, startling Morgan. "Apparently this isn't working."

"What else can we do?" Prentice asked. "Nothing else worked to begin with, that's why Dr. Manning went straight to the drug."

"Yeah and look how much good it's done," Morgan retaliated. "He has some memories but they don't even feel like they're his. He's had to remember things that he doesn't understand, and on top of that, he's being affected by the side affects of the Amytal."

"I know." Emily said.

"I don't know what to do," Hotch said.

"I don't think any of us do." Garcia said. They were silent for a long time.

"Gideon," Hotch said. "Any ideas?" Gideon was looking at the floor, brows creased, hand on his chin. He shook his head after a moment.

Morgan sighed and stood, walking over to Reid. Nothing was going to get done with people just sitting around.

"Hey kid," Morgan said. Spencer jumped, startled by his sudden presence. "Sorry," Morgan said. Spencer resumed his original position. "What're ya doing?" He asked. Spencer looked up from the book and looked at him. God he looked exhausted.

"Trying to decipher this thing," He said hoarsely, shoving the book away from him. "I mean, I can read, but I don't understand what all of this means," He paused. "I think I'm going to give myself an aneurism." He croaked. Morgan laughed.

"What the heck are we gonna do?" Morgan asked. Spencer shrugged.

"I don't know. That seems to be the only thing I say." Morgan sat at the desk next to him, turning the chair so he could face him.

"Can you explain it to me?" He asked. Spencer looked confused. "Like, how it is to…"

"Not know anything?" Spencer finished. Morgan nodded. "When I first woke up, everything was like this black hole. It was just empty. I knew basic stuff. Numbers, letters, words. How to read. But when I tried to figure out what my name was…it was like looking for something that was never there to begin with. Pointless. And then, hearing other people talk, emotions, words I didn't get, other people that knew me and I had no clue who they were. People looking to me for answers and there was nothing I could say to give them what they wanted.

"Then there were things I could do, that I knew wasn't normal. I watched somebody read a newspaper and it seemed to take him awhile to finish it. I read the same thing in less than two minutes. He looked at me weird." Spencer swallowed. His voice was coarse, like he'd been yelling for a long time, his eyes were blood shot, his cheeks flushed. He looked like he'd been through Hell. "And then looking at that board in there. Knowing who the bad guy was when I had no idea what I was doing.

"Then the memories. I saw…horrible things happen, but it was like it wasn't real. And that added to the thousands of things I didn't understand. It's just blank Morgan. I know who I was, but it's not me now. I…I don't know how to explain it." His voice had died to a whisper, looking at his hands.

"I get it Spencer." Morgan said. Spencer looked up at him, his brown eyes full of relief.

"You do?" He rasped. Morgan nodded. Spencer looked at his hands again. "Thank you." They sat in silence for a long moment.

"I think we should head over there," Morgan said. "We're trying to figure out how to, get you back to normal." Spencer nodded and stood.

"Okay." He said. The roughness of his voice made Morgan wonder how bad his throat hurt. He shook his head and followed him to the group who usually had all the answers, but was at an utter loss right now.

_It felt strange talking to Morgan like that. But I needed to talk to someone. And when he'd asked me so directly, I thought I'd just let it out. I did feel a little better. Well, mentally. Physically, I felt awful. _

_I looked at the concerned faces around me, no closer to a solution than they had been three days ago. I felt dizzy again and wondered if it was the- Fee Vere?- or another memory. I hoped it was the Fee Vere._

"_So, did I help?" I asked quietly, my voice tearing at my searing throat. Emily smiled. _

"_You solved the case Spencer." She said. That made me feel better too, but not by much. Everyone looked so serious, so worried. That dashed any good feeling I had and replaced it with fear. I was terrified at what would happen if I had to live the rest of my life as someone I didn't know. I took a shaky deep breath and looked at them._

"_Look," I said. "If we can't figure out a way to get me back to normal then…it's okay." Each head that had been looking at the floor shot up and looked at me. "You tried everything you could to help, and thank you for that. But, I'll be okay. Really." I assured, trying to keep my voice from breaking. Gideon stood and took a step toward me. _

"_Spencer, say your name." He said. I was confused. Why would that help solve anything?_

"_Why?" I asked. Gideon smiled gently. _

"_Just trust me on this." He said. How could I not? I had no reason not to._

"_So, just say my name?" I asked. Gideon nodded. "Spencer." I said. _

_It was like a light switch turned on. Everything rushed back in such a fury I thought my head would explode. Every second of my life seemed to plow its way back in and then…everything went black._

--Uh-oh cliffie! Don't ya hate me? Push that pretty button down there and tell me. Pleeeaaassee? : ) --


	13. Normal

--And now the results from my evil cliffhanger! Enjoy!!--

13

"Oh my god is he okay?" Garcia asked shrilly. No one could really make a diagnosis at this point. Spencer had passed out probably ten seconds ago. As soon as his eyes closed and he started to wilt Morgan caught him. He was looking from his unconscious face to Hotch and Gideon.

"Should we call 911?" He asked frantically.

"Is he alright?!" Garcia shrieked.

"Hotch, call 911!" Gideon said, his eyes wide. Morgan couldn't move, he seemed to be frozen where he stood.

"Is he breathing?" J.J. asked, her voice on the verge of hysterics. Morgan nodded slowly.

"Are you sure?" Emily yelled. Morgan nodded again. He shook his head, as if the shock was wearing off.

"Spencer," He said, shaking Spencer lightly. "C'mon kid, wake up!" He shook him a little harder, becoming more desperate. "Wake up, c'mon Spencer wake up!" No response. If Morgan hadn't seen his chest going up and down he might think he was dead. "C'mon Spencer wake up! Please kid wake up!" They all seemed frozen, unable to understand what was going on, what to do. Hotch opened his phone, finally registering what was going on. If they hadn't been alone in this place it would probably be a lot worse. A lot louder.

Suddenly Spencer opened his eyes and jumped. Morgan sighed. Spencer looked up at him and started to pull away.

"Hi Morgan," He said, looking deeply confused. "What's going on?"

"You know who you are, right?" J.J. asked. Spencer nodded, standing on his own.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?" He asked. He looked around the station. "Why are we in the Toledo station? I thought we were getting ready to get the unsub?"

Morgan opened his mouth to reply but Spencer cut him off.

"Wait, we were at the construction site, and Hotch went downstairs with Prentice…Morgan went to talk to Gideon, then…" He trailed off. "Then I don't remember anything after that."

"You hit your head," Gideon said. "You had no idea who you were, or who we were." Spencer's eyes grew.

"He's joking right?" He asked, turning to Garcia. She smiled and shook her head. Hotch closed his phone. "Wow, um, what did you guys do?" He asked warily.

"Called a neurologist and gave you Amytal." Hotch said. Spencer nodded.

"That's kind of a drastic measure. I mean that drug is so controversial it might as well be the Bible of medicine." He said. Morgan folded his arms and smiled smugly at Gideon.

"The genius agrees with me, I win." He said triumphantly.

"So, I didn't know anything?" He asked. They all nodded. He looked around again. "Where is everybody?"

"They're all in a meeting." Hotch said. Spencer nodded.

"Oh, okay. Um, why did I pass out and how did I get my memory back?" He asked.

"Yeah Gideon," Morgan said. "How?" The others looked at Gideon expectantly.

"I've seen certain studies done with people who have amnesia that are put around familiar things to try and jog their memories. They're also sometimes asked to say certain words, names, places, things like that to try and get their memory back. We hadn't tried it yet, I thought I might as well try." He said with a small shrug. Spencer nodded.

"And I passed out because I got so much at one time," He said, still nodding. Gideon nodded. "Well, uh, thanks." Garcia squealed and hugged him. A new commotion filled the station as the meeting ended and people filed back into the lobby.

"Yay! My genius is back!" Spencer tensed and lightly hugged her back.

"So," He said, once she had let him go. "Did we actually solve the case?"

"Excuse me," Someone said, tapping Spencer on the shoulder and interrupting J.J. Spencer turned around.

"Are you Dr. Spencer Reid?" She asked. Spencer nodded.

"Yes can I he-" Before he could finish, Monica wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. Spencer's eyes grew huge and his muscles went rigid. He held his arms up, but didn't push her away. She pulled away swiftly, leaving Spencer feeling slightly dazed.

"Thanks for saving my life." She said. She smiled and gave a small wave in Morgan's direction and left the station. Spencer stared at where she had been a few seconds ago, unmoving.

Garcia was almost rolling on the floor giggling. Morgan was bent over, gripping his sides, laughing so hard his face was red, Prentice and J.J. doing the same. Hotch was shaking his head, Gideon was chuckling. Spencer swallowed and took a deep breath, shaking his head slightly and turning around.

"I take it the case was solved?" He asked, desperately trying to keep his voice even. Morgan laughed harder and nodded.

"Yeah…you figured it out kid." He gasped. "I…I told her to thank you."

"Like that?!" Spencer yelled. Morgan shook his head.

"No…No that was all h-her idea." He said, still laughing hysterically. Spencer took another deep breath and shook his head.

"Gideon, do you care if I take the rest of the day off?" He asked.

"Reid, you haven't slept in 48 hours. I think you taking the rest of the day off is a right." He said with a small smile. Spencer nodded and turned around, walking through the door. Morgan smiled. He had his best friend back. The rest of the team had their genius back. And Spencer had himself back.

* * *

_I was lying down, staring at the ceiling. I couldn't fall asleep. As exhausted as I was, I couldn't fall asleep. The last two days will remain a mystery to me forever, I mean, losing an entire lifetime and then getting it back was enough to keep anyone awake. Especially when the odds of that happening were less than twelve percent. That would keep anyone up right?_

_Not me. _

_I had stared at that syringe for an hour. Running back and forth in my head whether I should or I shouldn't, wanting so desperately to escape this pounding headache, even for just awhile. Sometimes I wanted to just get away from everything, stay as far away from these horrific images that seem to be at the front of my memory, the dead bodies, the screaming people, it got overwhelming sometimes._

_But that was no excuse for what I was doing, or thinking about doing. Other people had the same amount of stress I did and they didn't…well, you know. _

_And that's why I threw it away. I wasn't doing this anymore. It made me someone I didn't want to be. I owed it to my team, and to myself, not to be this way. And I was done with it. _

_It was the right thing for me to do, I told myself for the thousandth time. You know that. I laid my hand over my eyes. Maybe I can push this headache away, and the fire in my throat, and this stupid fever. This is why Amytal is experimental. The side affects are a pain. _

_There was another reason I wasn't asleep yet. I didn't want to fall asleep. I hated, _hated_ nightmares, and, lately these had been enough for me to wake up screaming._

_At least I wasn't loud enough to wake other people up. I shook my head, trying to get Tobias' face out of my head. His screaming, bellowing voice. His hard hand. I shut my eyes tighter, a lump forming in my throat. I had to see that every night when I went to sleep. _

_But, not sleeping would be worse. And I know how this goes. Time will help. _

Yeah, that's what you said about what happened in school too.

_I buried my face into my pillow, letting it absorb the tears. I _would_ get past this. I had to. _

_Time would have to help on this one. I would never forget it, but maybe, after awhile it wouldn't hurt so much._

_That was the only hope I had right now, and I'd take it. _

_I don't know when I fell asleep, but at least someone somewhere was being merciful enough to let me have a least one nightmare free night._

_I went back to Quantico, and went onto the next case like normal._

_And I realized, no matter how trite the phrase, no matter how corny it may sound, I had the greatest friends in the world to help me through this. I wasn't alone._

**THE **

**END**

--Ta-Da! The end! Did you like it? Send me major feedback and tell me!! I want to thank anyone and everyone who read and reviewed! Without you guys I don't know what I'd do. Disclaimers to the genuis' at Criminal Minds for their characters and anything else I brought up! God Bless you all!--


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